R for Relationships

This week, I have been thinking a lot about relationships – about the huge impact a bad one can have on an individual’s ability to cope with debt. I am not necessarily just referring to a relationship with a partner (though of course romantic relationships can definitely be tainted by monetary worries) but also familial relationships, with children, parents, siblings....

One African lady that I came into contact with had been made physically unwell as a result of struggling with debt. Erika had a highly paid job with the NHS, earning around £40,000 per annum and working significant hours. Unfortunately, she had a son who suffered with autism. The boy wasn’t a bad lad, but he was keeping her awake because he was smashing up his bedroom every night and causing all sorts of damage to the house. Erika could not concentrate on her job due to severe lack of sleep – which escalated to such an extent that, in the end, she had to start reducing her hours in order to cope with the situation, and to be there for her son.

She was not working more than 16 hours per week – surviving on a fraction of her wage combined with some benefits. By the time I came into contact with her, however, she had had to give up her job completely to cope with her son (who was getting worse) and she was unwell with sheer physical exhaustion.

She confided in me during our meeting that it was not only coping with her son that was adversely affecting her health, she was also being hounded day and night on the phone, via letters and emails from creditors. Erika told me, whilst pointing her finger to a picture on the wall of Jesus Christ, that if it hadn’t been for him, she would have done something very stupid. I felt so sorry for this poor lady, who had to cope with so much – and after much negotiation, I managed to reduce her creditors’ payments by 75 per cent.

Another lady I helped was suffering from debt as a result of a romantic relationship. Her husband was a gambler, a womaniser and an alcoholic. Having used up all his credit and with his own credit file in a bad way, he forced his wife to go out and get credit cards and loans for him in her name. Of course, she began to struggle and when she was not longer able to secure credit because he was not paying back what he owed, he threw her out on the street and changed the locks. Mary was left with no money and huge debts. After living on the sofa of a friend for some time, she eventually met a builder and fell in love. He was a widower, who soon asked her to move in with him. It was Pete who eventually contacted me to see if I could help her, because he could not bear to see her being chased by creditors.

Luckily, I was able to help her get her payments down to an affordable level, with the help of her new partner. The poor girl was sobbing her heart out the entire time I was there, but in the end, when I was able to give her the good news, she came over to me and thanked me for giving her back her life.